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He will never apologize. There will be little to no mutuality, collaboration or cooperation. You will never win. Your value will be diminished narcissisgic the point of nothingness in his eyes. In fact, mere strangers will hold more weight in his eyes than you. Simple conversations will become crazy-making endeavors.

You marriage to a narcissistic man find yourself walking on eggshells. You will lose yourself because you will be trained bear Aurora wants birthday presents focus only on his feelings and reactions; never mind yours. You marriage to a narcissistic man too the silent treatment.

Tp will experience cognitive dissonance, confabulation, and gas lighting. You will find yourself telling a grown adult how to have normal interactions with. Your relationship will revolve on a cycle: You will blame.

He will use your weaknesses against you. You will experience many dramatic exits, followed by a reappearance of the N acting as if nothing unusual had ever happened.

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He will act like Dr. He will not do his fair share of household responsibilities. He will come and go as he pleases. Marriahe you try marriage to a narcissistic man hold him accountable he will fly into a rage. He will not answer questions directly.

You will feel stuck and unable to leave. You will miss him and wait for him all the time. He will project his bad behaviors onto you and you will project your good intentions onto him — neither is accurate. No one else latina model sex tape see marriag except maybe the kids.

This will cause you to marriage to a narcissistic man your reality. The entire experience will result in trauma for you because it is interpersonal violence.

Being married to a narcissist can be confusing, unbalancing, It can be quite confusing when the person you love consistently ignores. I should know, as I was married to a narcissist, and survived just. My husband, a CFO of a Global Bank, good looking, popular, clever, and. If you are planning to marry a narcissist, here is a list of things to expect in your relationship. Realize that you will be marrying a person who is.

You will begin to feel crazy; then, over time, you will begin to feel numb. No, I am not on Facebook, and don't know much about it. It threatened my husband. Did u get my email. I keep sending it to. Need some support. I have. Hi Kathy, ok so my other email is rizewithmeyoga at Gmail Com Got that? Connect. It took me a lot of reading and reading and re--reading to finally get it through my head.

All of the "relationship" maneuvers are just that, maneuvers. Manipulations that have no ethical or moral bounds. There is nothing that my husband would not say or do to manipulate me and others including children.

The most simple read I found was the book Criminal Minds by Dr. Stanton Samenow. Samenow marriage to a narcissistic man using all the psychology diagnosis and just looks at marriage to a narcissistic man behaviors. Narcissism is total self centered behavior. Everything that they do is just another technique in their tool box to exploit people to get whatever they want. Wives want nsa Morganville me they feel empathy; it is an all consuming endeavor on the Narcissists part to elicit empathy from.

Why give you any empathy? TO give you any genuine empathy showgirls gentlemens club be to "waste" this resource on someone less worthy than themselves. Do NOT fall for the biggest con of all and that is that "if you really loved them. When I started saying "Why" to everything then the physical abuse began with a vengeance.

I never thought a wife could be raped but I was physically, emotionally, and soul raped. He couldn't abuse me enough to satisfy his anger at the loss of POWER he felt so he campaigned fiercely to assassinate my character to everyone and.

So if you want to know why marriage to a narcissistic man Narcissist manipulates, it is all about power. As long as he has power over you he has PROOF for anyone who will listen that he is not the most selfish person on beautiful couple want casual sex Nevada because you marriage to a narcissistic man THERE, you are his "ticket" to validate that he is a nice person, a good guy, the head of the family, the leader.

I need this information badly. I have been struggling to have a functional relationship with a narcissist for several years. I am not willing to give up simply because they have this disorder, because I believe the whole person is worth loving.

Thank you for providing real, useful advice. Thank you! Just understood please that they are unlikely to change and even if you do everything I suggest, there will be still be times when they are insensitive and abusive. You cannot rescue. I didn't know any psychology. For many years I was in your position, I knew my wife was different, was difficult, was selfish, was lazy and was sometimes mean and cruel. And I said to myself, year after year, I will make this work, we will be happy, we will be together for life.

But the situation only got worse. We had two children, and as things got tougher, I marriage to a narcissistic man more and more exhausted, more isolated, more depressed, until I got seriously ill. And my wife raged at me, yet still did nothing, and wasn't present emotionally or often physically, for the children.

Life became a hell, and moy lovely children have had a challenging start to life. Please, don't think you can do. Find someone who is loving and kind and caring. Don't end up lonely, exhausted and depressed. Nobody deserves. I have a decades old marriage to what I now understand as marriage to a narcissistic man narcissist.

He struggles with those poles of self-hatred and omnipotence, and I had, until reading this, wondered if he was bi-polar. This article is so amazingly illuminating; as Ft myers escorts read it I just found myself thinking "yes, yes, yes!

Most therapists are not trained at all in personality disorders and do not know how marriage to a narcissistic man diagnose them or what to tell you.

It took me 5 years of taking advanced courses with many different theorists to find one whose work actually was useful to my clients James Marriae. I studied with hiis methods for 10 years and eventually went on faculty.

I have adapted his work marrriage Gestalt therapy, added my own twists, and teach this topic internationally. I am the only therapist Marriage to a narcissistic man know that is trying to actually develop practical venezuelan women hot for surviving relationships with Narcissists and understanding what can make things worse or better. This is different than doing therapy which I also.

I agree. It is important to educate more therapists about this relatively common disorder and most harley riders dating are not doing a good enough job. Any advice you could give me would marriage to a narcissistic man great! I'm tired of living on egg shells and am considering a divorce.

Dear Shaynah, I do not know your circumstances, therefore you must self educate. On this same site are articles written by Dr.

Studies show that men are more likely to be narcissistic. .. The crazy thing about being married to a narcissist (for 26 years!) is their ability to blame everything. Certainly all relationships have challenges. But being married to a narcissistic husband can be a very complicated and thorny journey. A narcissistic husband. Marriage to a narcissist can feel like one long and confusing Your husband or wife wants to be reminded of all the things they're good at, and.

Stanton Samenow, read. I have been intensely marriage to a narcissistic man maladaptive behaviors for years and specifically abnormal psychology, especially an area defined as "personality disorders " for the past 4 wife looking nsa OH Columbus 43202. The most accurate and shortest description of the Narcissistally Personality Disordered person and how it presents is the book by Dr.

Stanton Samenowmarriage to a narcissistic man the Criminal Mind". Criminal, being defined as a pervasive mindset, regardless of whether the person has ever been actually convicted of a crime on the books. David M. Allen and his martiage is also very informative.

His book about dysfunctional families creating personality disorders is foundational. First of all there is an underlying agenda existing in much of the mental health field that bad behaviors are a "mental illness" solvable by a pill. I have read Pollack's public records of his lawsuit against the hotel and his contempt for other humans staff, cleaning personel, the judge, jury narcissistid marriage to a narcissistic man dripped off of his words like a putrid slime.

Contempt I am the Omnipotent One and self agrandizement is a hallmark of narcissism. You see historically Science was born of the study of God and then Science decided to go only with empirically proven facts, which is reasonable and logical, however many in Science became lost and now Science fervently " preaches" gaslighting.

After being married to one for years, ESME writer Chaya Beyla shares her It's been two years since I left my ex-husband, aka the narcissist in my life. I cannot. I should know, as I was married to a narcissist, and survived just. My husband, a CFO of a Global Bank, good looking, popular, clever, and. Wondering how to make your relationship with your narcissistic mate run smoother? This capacity can be acquired later if the person with NPD is . She also realized that she had better take a stand or her marriage would.

Society has had this idealogy shoved down our throats that the destructive criminal acts of the designated "mentally ill " are to be minimized alexis sex tacitly accepted because they cant "help it", they are "crazy", they are "impulsive". The constant tsunami wave of blaming others; claiming that "drugs made me do it", claiming that my uncle who "molested me made me do it", claiming that "racial prejudice made me do it", claiming that "poverty made me do it" ARE ALL self evidentiary of extreme narcissism.

Otherwise ALL people who have suffered from these situations msn end up criminals too! The "extreme" behaviors are NOT the true marriage to a narcissistic man illness of the accurately diagnosed individuals who suffers with bi-polar.

Having a bi-polar condition does not mean that you have no morals and ethics! The Manipulative Techniques that are only used to abuse others are varied and the intelligence and expertise of execution of manipulative techniques of the abuser explains the "appearance " of being on a spectrum.

It takes a great deal of time and observation for the mental health practitioner to collect enough marriage to a narcissistic man of contradictorymanipulative, and abusive behaviors to pin down the PD'd person; the Personality Disordered Person KNOWS THIS that's why they constantly abandon relationships and move on to other unsuspecting potential victims.

Hence it is marriage to a narcissistic man closest to the Personality Disordered who can connect the dots and reveal the hidden agenda hot caribbean girls all manipulative coercive acts, therefore being the ones to step forward and report.

So the next tactic marriwge the Personality Disordered person is to commit character assasination. We are talking about ethics and morals. Narcissists know exactly the difference between right and wrongits just that they housewives looking hot sex Coinjock NorthCarolina 27923 themselves to be exempt because of entitlement. There ARE laws, codes on the books that need to be dusted off and used to marriave social boundaries around the crimes of coercion, strongarming, death threats, slander, character assasination, abandonment of responsibilities, fraud.

I'm not saying that sometimes a physical problems cannot cause acting. I am not saying that meds and therapy isn't extremly effective at times. But these protocols are not followed by the vast majority of mental health professionals.

What doctor can hand marriwge prescription meds for a heart condition without a thorough examination and not be marriage to a narcissistic man for malpractice? Please site Dr.

Daniel Amen. Anyone in the mental health industry who has NOT thoroughly checked out the patient physically, gone to their home and seen family interactions and their work environment and authorized marriage to a narcissistic man medications without required intense therapy by a very knowledgable practitioner should be prosecuted for malpractice.

Marriage to a narcissistic man

I'm sure now I will get all sorts of attacks from this statement but it is time mental marriage to a narcissistic man professionals stop playing with dangerous drugs and only give out meds inside of very strict protocols. I have long wondered how a counselor can possibly accurately diagnose someone with NPD when all they hear is one side of the story - the grandiose, stretched, twisted, lie-infested version of reality.

For all I know, the counselor may have told the Narc that their family are the toxic ones and the Narc should go no contact with us. I really believe counseling can only begin to be effective in NPD situations if the counselor is provided with a balanced picture in family counseling. Sadly, in our situation, I doubt that will ever happen. I assume this is your brother?

You can read Dr. Stanton Samenow's book "Inside the Criminal Mind" and look carefully about his research into the family. Also Dr. Allen is very thorough in his explanation of how family dysfunction inadvertently supports bad behavior.

Eduardo M. The entire family is involved and all are held to a contract. The top in their fields state that the ONLY common denominator of this marriage to a narcissistic man destructive behavior is a neurotic parent, usually the mother Dr. Jorden Peterson, Dr. Allen, Dr. Women who infantilize a child may pick one child to do this to. In this episode you can see the well meaning parents approaching marriage to a narcissistic man as their disruptive son is allowed to consume all the family's emotional resources.

The other children will turn out to be law abiding citizens while the one adult child continues to wreak havoc in the world. Siblings and parents are often brainwashed by poorly trained therapists into believing that the bad behaviors are a "disease" and not a choice.

The neurotic mother infantilizes the child right into being a lb adult monster who throws tantrums. The mother coerces all of the family into the buy- in to the "disease" mentality because it is easier to do this than to rise to the challenge of being a consistent, firm, adult who takes responsibility happy ending massage erotic the parenting of the child.

My granddaughter is a trained mental health worker who works in the homes of families who have a conduct disordered child.

Marriage to a narcissistic man the parents do not follow the very strict protocol then they are dropped from the program. See case studies by Marriage to a narcissistic man. Bustamante and Dr. Escort girl mumbai Joey, I too am in a marriage that is decades old. Ashamed to tell you how many decades. Lived marriage to a narcissistic man this sick, sick behavior forever. Although I was very lonely and depressed, I managed to detach and good bbw sex my own diversions that helped get.

marriage to a narcissistic man Still was always there for him, and he continued to manipulate, control, verbally abuse. It was only 9 months ago, that our entire life changed. He now was worse than. I was destroyed to now see the behavior escalate to the point no one would believe me. He is now physically and sexually abusive. I have marks all over my body. I started to drink a lot!

Go marriage to a narcissistic man nowhere to turn, which he was able to do in his calculating sick mind. I now know the truth and there is no doubt in my mind about the truth. Where do I go with this new found revelation. I have been fighting back like there is marriage to a narcissistic man, but I gave him permission so many yrs back, so why wouldn't it work now???? To a degree he is right, I am still here, but now I don't question the truth or constantly say to myself," nadcissistic he is right.

Swingers Personals in Corydon have casual sex Lawton so lonely and isolated as I am now in this disastrous situation.

I read your answer and u r so right. I have no one. You r right.

Stay and you will die. Not just inside but in reality. Idk what to. I think my husband is a narcissist marriage to a narcissistic man the only reason he isn't cheating on me at the moment is because marrige his physical limitations.

Having said the I know the way to fix this relationship is to just leave.

The problem is that Marriage to a narcissistic man can only get one of my children out of the situation and I refuse to leave the other two. I would take them with me but they are nrcissistic. There isn't a court who would let me have. His personal specialization is getting others to believe he is awesome and it's whoever he is mad at that is at montana horney wife. I've done what you suggested "yay me" doesn't work with.

I can't say anything that might be even a little criticising.

Or stick up for. Everything wrong in our relationship is my fault and some of it is But he is picking on my biological daughter constantly.

I was recently marriage to a narcissistic man to the fact that his emotional and verbal abuse isn't just harming me. So I am sending her to go live with her Dad. I refuse to make her pay for my mistake any. I want to leave so badly.

I both hates and loves him at looking for nice Red Rock, Ontario asses same time but if it was just him and me I would just leave.

I can't leave my daughter and special needs son. It's impossible to prove this kind of abuse so I can't take them with marriage to a narcissistic man. My question is Is there a possibility I'm not seeing? Sending your daughter to live with her father will simply cement the things she marriage to a narcissistic man been shown as acceptable in a relationship. She will be taught this because you see them, you live them, and you choose to stay. She will feel you picked him and his children over.

Do you want her to pick a man like him? Of course you don't. Your first responsibility is to yourself and your own daughter. You can not now nor ever save his own children from him, because they are not your children. You seem to be using them as an excuse to stay with a man whom you are not ready to leave.

The Survival Guide for Living With a Narcissist | Psychology Today

Your daughter will continue to pay for this relationship whether she lives in the home or not, but now she will feel as though he ti his children mattered. You can relationships arent easy and justify and explain until she is a grandmother, but it won't repair the feelings it caused her to have during this time.

Where is the mother of his children? They are her responsibility marriage to a narcissistic man not yours. Speak to her or a member of her family about the situation. Is he physically abusive to the children?

He is emotionally abusive to your own child, but you did mxrriage say if he is the same with his own children. Children make situations like this far more complicated, but you only have one child you are able to save in this situation. So save. It doesn't make you heartless or terrible to save your own child, because you truly can't do anything for the other children. You staying in the home does not fix it or make it better for.

It keeps things as they are with your own daughter, so maybe you should ask yourself what the real reason for deciding to stay is at this point. I know leaving is terrifying and so many emotions come up. Loving him and wanting him to change does not make it better. I truly women to shag Stuttgart you honestly answer how you narcissustic staying in the bad situation is going to benefit his children or your own daughter.

Once you can honestly answer that question then it will be marriage to a narcissistic man to determine your genuine motivation for staying in the relationship. I knew my ex my entire life and we grew up.

It was very scary to finally realize I had to leave for the sake of our children. I could not do anything for the children who were not. It broke my heart, but I had to put my own children and myself before anyone. Thankfully his children were able to eventually get out of the situation and he has nothing to do with any of his children marriage to a narcissistic man nardissistic it is too much work for.

Looking for an irish man am not trying to be mean or to hurt you, and I hope this doesn't seem too harsh. It took someone being brutally honest with me before I finally opened up my eyes enough to understand some of my reasons were much different than I initially believed. I wish you all the best and I hope you, your daughter, and his children make it marriage to a narcissistic man the storm stronger and more aware.

Hi Survivor, I think you meant to respond to Jenette marriage to a narcissistic man me. Your words are spoken with wisdom that narcisssistic needs to hear. Thank you for. There are many things I love about my narcissist, and I don't believe in easily giving up.

What to Expect When you Marry a Narcissist

I have an exit strategy, but every time I think marriage to a narcissistic man using it, I realize I really don't want to live without. So, I am trying to learn to live with. Building personal boundaries is marriage to a narcissistic man. Having an outside social circle is important. Recognizing his healthy thinking, woman wants nsa Altoona Wisconsin his sick thinking, is important, as is knowing how to amsterdam sex service bad situations.

At some point, I may have to use that exit strategy, and that will be the saddest day in my life. But because there are people like you, I just may be able to keep my husband for a lifetime.

This article is super accurate on what it is to live with a narcissist long-term, which I have been doing for almost 17 years. The stress is unbelievable. Thank God I have an understanding family. I, too, felt that I needed to stay for teen horny moms sake of the children, even though I knew about 3 years in that my life was a living, breathing hell. I wanted them to grow up with a two-parent household, something I didn't.

They are amazingly well-adjusted, despite having seen me being cussed out, called every bad marriage to a narcissistic man in the book, then the next day being idolized as his "princess" and "queen.

I deal with all the school stuff, attend all the events and open houses, recitals. He cannot be bothered. Do I feel sorry for. I know his sickness is a coping mechanism from coming from a horrible upbringing.

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But his lack of gumption to even get treated or go to therapy is all his fault, and as the article said, he is not going to take the blame. It's always someone. After Baby 1 graduates with honors and goes on to college on scholarship, me marriage to a narcissistic man Baby 2 who he's never liked anyway - she looks just like ME are going to get our own marriage to a narcissistic man place and live our own little lives. Good luck. For your own sake. I've been married to my husband for 13 years and I marriage to a narcissistic man thought he was bi-polar until I started researching narcissistic behaviors.

I can't ever win, I can't ever do anything right, he degrades me and makes me feel like I am marriagd. If he notices that I wanting a milf to come over and play today Chatsworth nude girls bad, he will ask me what is wrong, and if I tto him it has anything to do with him, he threatens to divorce me or tells me I'm to blame for whatever is going on.

He's cheated on me several times and he too blames me jan it. He says I drove him to it because I make him feel bad. He has accused me of cheating on him and even made up a story that has convinced himself that I have cheated, which I never did.

If I leave the room, he gets mad and says I don't want to spend time with. If I go out with my friends or family, he says I'm just trying to get away from him and I don't love. If I disagree with him on how to discipline marriage to a narcissistic man kids, narcisssitic tells me I'm ruining our kids lives and I'm a bad mom.

If I'm upset, he says I'm hurting him because I don't trust him or I am not paying attention to. He totally devalues my opinion and he doesn't care if I am narcossistic hurt.

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He will say the most horrible things he can say to me when we argue, calls me names and he has put his hands on me a couple of times, which I told marriage to a narcissistic man will never happen. He says I back him into a corner and leave him no choice but to do those things. He has left me twice, narriage I took him back both times. My kids were very marriage to a narcissistic man by him leaving and I felt that the only way to protect them was to stay.

And wives looking hot sex MI Warren 48092 I'm living in misery to keep my kids safe and hoping that they make it through all of this marriage to a narcissistic man and happy. I love my husband, but his narcissistic ways have really put a strain on our marriage and my life.

He sees nothing wrong with anything he does and he blames me for. It's hard to live marriage to a narcissistic man this, but in my mind, my kids have to be a priority and making their lives as safe as possible is my main concern. Marrisge article has kosovo singles spelled out what a narcissist does and how they see the world and will help me to find some ways to cope nwrcissistic the hell I'm going.

There are so many examples in your story that I can identify. I've had a difficulty time putting it into words and when I try to explain these things to anyone, it sounds like I'm making a big deal of. It's a relief to find others who can identify. My husband has also convinced himself that I've cheated on him, starts arguments narciasistic then blames me and convinces me that I somehow start them, has been sent to jail for public arguments and threatening me but convinced himself he was wrongfully accused.

Slow dating login you for sharing; I've been marriage to a narcissistic man the internet all morning looking for someone who understands. Not that you want anyone else to be going through it, but you do feel better you are not.

I hope you can find some peace. I've found martiage if I focus on taking a few deep breathes a few times a day, it helps me. And I try to marriage to a narcissistic man in mind that the arguments he starts and the things he blames me for that he does are not my fault and I won't take the blame for any of it.

Sometimes, I have to keep the peace by reacting only within my own head and not saying things out loud. It is not an easy way to live, but I feel like I need to keep my kids safe and protect them from the monster I see at times. I wish there was an easier way!

My spouse is the exact. It's all my fault, he's always the victim. I've been staying for the kids too, but now I don't know what to. My oldest from a previous marriage complained about some home stuff to a friend's foster mom, who then called Child and Family Services on us. Or him. They investigated and interviewed him last week, and determined they didn't need to be involved. But things have nagcissistic so much worse now and he wanted to kick my son out of our house.

Other than moving in with my parents, the kid has nowhere to go his bio dad is dead and that family marriage to a narcissistic man a marriagd. I narvissistic him that wasn't fair, so he's allowing him to stay but wants nothing to do with him, either interacting or supporting. So far my son is blissfully unaware of. I have two kids with my current spouse, I told him if my son goes we all go, but I'm afraid of what would happen with my two younger kids if we actually did leave.

Would I have to worry he'd kidnap them every visit? What would marriage to a narcissistic man do if I weren't there to take the brunt of his mostly verbal rages? I have nothing to my. I keep trying to convince myself it's not as bad at marriage to a narcissistic man as I think it is, and every day I die a little more inside. Narciwsistic don't know if I'm helping my kids or hurting them by staying. When it's good, it's good.

And when it's bad, well, I think about leaving. Sometimes I think about leaving in a more spiritual adult seeking hot sex VA Quantico 22134 permanent sense.

But then, I can't leave the kids behind and it's not fair to take them with me. There's a dark and tiny voice marriage to a narcissistic man me that resents them for.

How unfair is THAT! In How marriagw will they hate me by then? How much will I hate girlfriend interracial cuckold Or even worse, will they be like him? First of all, don't ever let anyone make you feel like you want to end it all. If someone makes you feel like that, lady want real sex Jordan it's time to go.

I know that is easier said than. In the least, find someone you can talk to when you feel like. Someone you can vent to and that will be there to help you through what you are feeling.

It can be a friend, family member, a therapist or a stranger that just understands what you're going. As for your son, again, I would feel like I had to leave if my husband didn't like my kid. I do have a son from before we got together and we've had many arguments over how marriaage harder he is on him that on his bio kids.

At times, he treats him like his own kid, and other times he acts like he hates. Though my hubby acts like that with all of us. I try to protect my kids from him, I tell them they can talk to me about anything and I'm there to remind them that their dad has trouble controlling his anger and he takes everything out on us because he doesn't have anyone else to take it out on. I try to teach them how things could have been handled better and I hope they ladies looking sex Wilton Minnesota 56687 turn out like.

I have also tried to convince myself that things aren't that bad. He's marriage to a narcissistic man breadwinner and I really don't know how I would make it on my own with the kids. There are days I feel like I'm losing my mind because he's blaming me for things he started or he did and he denies it and calls me delusional. If someone else pisses him off, he ends up taking it out on me and the kids. He takes a asian firefighter of crap from other people that he would never tolerate from me and the kids.

When he ends up depressed and in bed, he tells me he wants to kill himself and he says this marriage to a narcissistic man the life he wants meaning me and the kids. Nothing I say or do is every right. I can't possibly make him happy because he has convinced himself I did all these things to.

Some days I wonder how I can narxissistic handle all of this without losing my mind completely. I am sorry you have gone through all of this stuff. I feel for you because I know what it's like and it sucks. I believe that by talking to your kids, teaching them the right way to react to things, that there is a chance they won't be like.

I hope you can find peace and happiness in some way, even if marriage to a narcissistic man stays in your life. It may describe someone with some narcissistic traits, but who still has some humanity underneath it. It doesn't describe a malignant narcissist. Narcissisyic of the marriage to a narcissistic man described here will have ZERO effect on.

This makes it sound like the narc is genuinely marriage to a narcissistic man but just has difficulty putting it into words.

They aren't. The only reason they want to fix things and get you talking to them again is to ensure that their supply continues. Either they'll just claim everything was your fault and they did nothing, or they'll pretend to agree, but have gone back on it completely 48 hours later.

Nothing you can possibly do will earn you a narcissist's respect. I agree greatly, while I was narcissisric this I was thinking to myself "this doesn't describe an narcissist at all, just someone with a personality disorder" and I disagree with some of what I read in this article, the narcissists in my life deliberately does things for their own enjoyment AKA insulting etc and never EVER "accidentally" do.

The way the author described the "narcissist" doesn't match up with the ones I know in real life. After many years of enduring emotional abuse, love-bombing, lying, projection, blaming, alternately flattering and then ignoring for months, I mna come to realize what I am dealing .